One of the challenges in our lives is to handle criticism. I have scuttled a lot of actions and decisions for the fear of drawing criticism from friends and family. Some of them I regret to this day. In the retrospect, I should acted more assertively and have made those painful decisions for my own sake. I believe "handling criticism" is an essential life skill that every one needs to learn. For, we all, at one time or the other, will be criticized for any action or decision we may take or do. It is, indeed painful to know that others misunderstand us or use less than flattering words about us or even disapprove our actions.
So, why would it hurt, should someone doesn't approve of our actions or decisions? I think, it is because of two reasons :
1. We give the others so much power to hurt us
2. We are unsure about ourselves.
I believe that anything that is said about us that goes against our own "self-image" is not taken well by us. Hence, how should we handle criticism and Feedback?
Let us also be cognizant that all major religions of the world beseech, "Know thyself"; implying our ultimate goal is to find-out what we are all about : Our weaknesses, strengths, values and beliefs.
The approaches to the self should be built on solid foundation of
1. Self- Introspection
2. Self-awareness and Conciousness
3. Receiveing Criticism
4. Seeking Feedback
Even a thief, a cheat, a murderer thinks that he is good and all the problems lie outside of himself......his family, community, world at large. We often see people blaming everything in sight. Hence, we are generally, insensitive to our own "contribution" to the overall situation.
Self-Introspection....as suggested by Mahatma Gandhi is a prerequisite in building our character. It is a foundation of "self-knowledge". But it is only limited because, we can potentially only know a little of a bigger picture of "ourselves". Hence, there needs to be a mechanism to gauge our actions not just with our own perspective and wisdom alone.
I came across a very good tool called Johari Window. This tool captures what others know about us as well as what we know about ourselves. When I did this excercise a few years ago, I realized how much I didn't know about myself that others knew.
Then there is a tough nut called "Criticism".
It comes in two flavors : From Within and one from outside.
The one that happens within needs to be answered by all means. We need to stay clear with our own conscience. I suggest, even if you commit a bad act ( what society believes that act to be), do it with conviction and be answerable to your self!! That means, your thought, talk and action are in harmony. The problem araises if these three are misaligned and a feeling of guilt festers in our heart. So, we should first, be answerable for ourselves before we answer anyone else in the world. Simple, huh?
We are often traumatized by what others think of us. Of all the above, being criticized is the most difficult to handle. Following are some of my thoughts on how to handle them ( and as suggested in my earlier blogs, "self-talk"):
I consider this a boon.... The giver can have two intensions : Our well being or to hurt us......In the case of his intent to hurt, we will have to consider and intropect and "self" criticize ourselves to see if there is truth in what is said. If there is, we put a change plan around the aspect that is been come to the fore....Hey, here is now we are one weakness less!! He is actually, helped us :-). So his purpose to hurt us is completely defeated!! If it is critique, it is anyway, meant to help us become better person.
Feedback is what you get either you have sought or unsolicited.....Since we have asked for it, it is our responsibility to take it seriously are improve upon!!
So much for a simple matter of "Criticism" :-)
So, why would it hurt, should someone doesn't approve of our actions or decisions? I think, it is because of two reasons :
1. We give the others so much power to hurt us
2. We are unsure about ourselves.
I believe that anything that is said about us that goes against our own "self-image" is not taken well by us. Hence, how should we handle criticism and Feedback?
Let us also be cognizant that all major religions of the world beseech, "Know thyself"; implying our ultimate goal is to find-out what we are all about : Our weaknesses, strengths, values and beliefs.
The approaches to the self should be built on solid foundation of
1. Self- Introspection
2. Self-awareness and Conciousness
3. Receiveing Criticism
4. Seeking Feedback
Even a thief, a cheat, a murderer thinks that he is good and all the problems lie outside of himself......his family, community, world at large. We often see people blaming everything in sight. Hence, we are generally, insensitive to our own "contribution" to the overall situation.
Self-Introspection....as suggested by Mahatma Gandhi is a prerequisite in building our character. It is a foundation of "self-knowledge". But it is only limited because, we can potentially only know a little of a bigger picture of "ourselves". Hence, there needs to be a mechanism to gauge our actions not just with our own perspective and wisdom alone.
I came across a very good tool called Johari Window. This tool captures what others know about us as well as what we know about ourselves. When I did this excercise a few years ago, I realized how much I didn't know about myself that others knew.
Then there is a tough nut called "Criticism".
It comes in two flavors : From Within and one from outside.
The one that happens within needs to be answered by all means. We need to stay clear with our own conscience. I suggest, even if you commit a bad act ( what society believes that act to be), do it with conviction and be answerable to your self!! That means, your thought, talk and action are in harmony. The problem araises if these three are misaligned and a feeling of guilt festers in our heart. So, we should first, be answerable for ourselves before we answer anyone else in the world. Simple, huh?
We are often traumatized by what others think of us. Of all the above, being criticized is the most difficult to handle. Following are some of my thoughts on how to handle them ( and as suggested in my earlier blogs, "self-talk"):
I consider this a boon.... The giver can have two intensions : Our well being or to hurt us......In the case of his intent to hurt, we will have to consider and intropect and "self" criticize ourselves to see if there is truth in what is said. If there is, we put a change plan around the aspect that is been come to the fore....Hey, here is now we are one weakness less!! He is actually, helped us :-). So his purpose to hurt us is completely defeated!! If it is critique, it is anyway, meant to help us become better person.
Feedback is what you get either you have sought or unsolicited.....Since we have asked for it, it is our responsibility to take it seriously are improve upon!!
So much for a simple matter of "Criticism" :-)
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